More Republicans endorse Obama – McCain gets Joe the Plumber

Considering the News…
On the same day John McCain sealed the deal with the most coveted voter in America (at least in terms of insignificant people who somehow earned undeserved fame), Barack Obama continued reeling in big catches from the GOP pond.
Ronald Reagan’s chief of staff is the latest McCain political casualty, as Ken Duberstein announced he [...]

1 in 7 still undecided? Who the hell are these people?

Considering the News…
There’s so many poll numbers out right now the backs of my eyes throb and my hands are shaking. It’s not even noon but I know a stiff drink might be the only thing to remedy the anxiety. Can’t imagine how Obama’s feeling right now. He has to be fiendish for a smoke, wondering what [...]

Obama’s final 30 minutes

Considering the News…
Several days remain in this endless election, but tonight signified Barack Obama’s final 30 minutes of the campaign. He’s given the rib-rattling speeches. Told every version of his American dream story. Sold most elements of his policies. Shook millions of worried hands. And now there aren’t many lines he can butter without sounding [...]

Halloween Costumes for the Candidates

Corrupting the News…
With the Halloween shenanigans nearly upon us, I suspect it’s high time we give some earnest thought to what costumes the candidates will be wearing to their sexy parties this weekend. I know, they’ll likely be much too busy pandering to the masses to even enjoy the festivities, but where would be as [...]

Obama 30-minute show: Media Overkill or McCain Killer

Considering the News…
Tonight should prove quite entertaining. It’s make or break. American society as we know it could either completely unravel or bond together, as the manifest force of the looming Obama presidency reveals itself tonight.
With Obama’s 30-minute self-history seminar set to constipate the Wednesday primetime lineup, I can already here the collective moans from [...]

Preparing for 2012: Palin, McCain and the GOP divide

Considering the News…
How did it get to this? How did the GOP split like the pants of a fat man trying to touch his toes? It once seemed an impossible divorce. Now it must ravage their brains like a horrific dream.
W’s first years in office symbolized the era of an unrelenting bond between fiscal conservatives, [...]

Skinheads Plot Obama Assassination – Fail Miserably

Considering the News…
Daniel Cowart and Paul Schlesselman are not your typical white supremacist skinheads. They have big ambitions and delusions of neo-Nazi grandeur, you see. Death concerns them none. Not their own or anyone else’s.  They concoct evil schemes of epic proportions. Spine-rattling schemes straight out of Hitler’s racial-cleansing playbook.
They have a myriad of things going [...]

McCain’s Socialist Surprise

Considering the News…
It’s down to the final eight days, and John McCain intends to spend his final hours drilling thoughts of “Barack Obama the Marxist” into the public conscience, hoping such a notion scares the shit out of enough people to snare the election from the “socialist grips” of Obama nation.
The most recent sensational headlines [...]

Bigots, Lunatics, Robocalls, and the McCain Campaign

Considering the News…
There’s much panic, paranoia and uncertainty swarming around the dysfunctional McCain camp, as volunteers and supporters launch vigilante fear-mongering campaigns to sway (scare) undecided voters.
It’s bad enough that you have Rudy Giuliani’s smug little ass robo-calling American households at all hours of the night. It’s even worse that you have depressed and delusional coeds carving up their [...]

Apology from Drudge Report: She Made It Up!!!

Considering the News…
Seeing as how Mr. Drudge of the esteemed Drudge Report has too much pride to take at least partial blame for the hysteria incited by an obviously mentally-ill McCain supporter who fabricated an assault and carved a fucking backwards B into her own face (seriously, girl, you didn’t think it all through before taking a [...]

Will Bush endorse Obama?

Considering the News…
It’s getting tougher and tougher for Obama to make the case that ”A John McCain presidency would be four more years of the Bush White House.” Hell, it might just be McCain’s campaign theme the final weeks heading into the election, with Obama as the apparent continuation of the unpopular lame duck prick from Texas.
Yet another former [...]

Obama will say anything to get elected. Really, John McCain? Really?

Considering the News…
Barack Obama will say anything to get elected, you know. He panders to both sides and changes policies like the wind blows, wouldn’t you say? He would lose a war to get elected, haven’t you heard this shit?
John McCain has tried to beat this into American minds like he’s massaging a knot out [...]

Nixon, Rove and Giuliani – A Political Poker Game in Hell

Considering the News…
Richard Nixon has two seats saved in Hell for Karl Rove and Rudy Giuliani. The bastards plan to smoke cigars, shoot guns and trade pots, cackling it up as they compare stories of political warfare. Might even play some darts afterwards.
Nixon and Rove would naturally dominate the conversation, slapping each other on the [...]

Sarah Palin Shopping Spree – News or Poor Judgment?

Considering the News…
So Sarah Palin likes nice clothes. Really nice clothes. What woman doesn’t?
The recent disclosure of the Republican National Committee’s $150K spent on campaign accessories (read Palin’s flashy outfits) has made a lot of jaws hurt, but it really isn’t that big of a deal. It shouldn’t be a topic at all. Politicians should look [...]

Sarah Palin Rewrites Constitution – Smarter than 3rd Grader

Considering the News…
U.S. Constitution Sarah’s Book of Fun Powers!!!
Sarah Palin’s foot landed in her mouth again. It’s almost ridiculous how well she does it. Unprecedented perhaps.
When she first entered the American conscience seven weeks ago it appeared accidental, almost as if she were merely demonstrating how high she could kick. But now she seems to [...]

McCarthyism is alive and well…let the witch hunt begin

Considering the News…
Sometimes it’s not a democrat and republican thing. Sometimes the beef isn’t between different ethnic groups, or genders, or SUV and hybrid drivers, or missionary thrusters and reverse-cowboy riders.
Sometimes it’s the straight delusional and paranoid folks versus the rest of the sane and sober (maybe not the right word) citizens of the country.
And [...]

Bush-McCain comparisons valid – sort of

Considering the News…
Colin Powell endorsed Barack Obama. Didn’t see that one coming, did you?
Well, it’s not exactly “Britney’s prego again!” breaking news, but a simple reminder of how fragmented the Bush administration has been.
Essentially the White House has been fractured into two parts – W and all the good old boys like Mean Dick, Rove, [...]

New McCain strategy – defend Joe the Plumber

Considering the News…
John McCain’s going on the defensive for his new son-in-law, Joe the Plumber.
After latching his campaign to the anti-socialist Mr. Clean fanatic, McCain now looks to score points by accusing Obama’s camp of bringing down poor Joe.
While I’m sure the O-Team relishes the fact Joe the Plumber is a 40K-a-year nobody and not [...]

Will Obama’s support actually show up?

Considering the News…
Barack Obama’s looking over his shoulder like a vulnerable sweetheart scampering through the streets of Harlem at 3 in the morning. Why wouldn’t he?
Having survived the final debate with the new-car smell still fresh in his RV of Hope, Obama reminded supporters yesterday of two words that dispel any notion the election is in [...]

Joe the Unlicensed Plumber

Considering the News…
Looks like Joe the Plumber is going to be out of a job. Stardom is a bitch like that.
You don’t become an iconic archetype of American politics and get away unscathed. As McCain would even say – first it’s the hatchet, then the scalpel.
Well, they’re taking the scalpel right between Joe’s ears and [...]

Daily Kos: Joe the Plumber or Joe the Tax Evader

Considering the News…
Maybe Joe the Plumber doesn’t have to worry about Obama’s proposed tax hikes for the rich and famous after all. Looks like the unregistered voter of the year doesn’t care for paying taxes no matter what the amount.
After ABC News identified America’s new favorite plumber’s crack as one Samuel Joe Wurzelbacher, a quick [...]

Message to Joe the Plumber: You’re Rich, Bitch! And a Fraud!

Considering the News…
Joe the Plumber is a goddamn American hero. In the flesh. All 250 pounds of his bald-headed body…American hero.
At least that’s what the McCain campaign wants the country to believe. They want us to eat him up and say, “Ah, that Joe the Plumber’s just like me – I’ll be damned! McCain really [...]

How to make the last Presidential Debate actually interesting

Considering the News…
There’s a problem with the presidential debates – they’re boring as shit. It doesn’t matter what the format is, who’s moderating, or what topics are addressed – they’re boring as shit. It’s that simple.
National League baseball is more interesting. A 19-year-old college slacker stoned out of his gord and watching the shopping network [...]

Who’s the Socialist: Obama or McCain?

Considering the News…
 
The Straight Talk Express and its 527 trolleys love depicting Obama as the most liberal Democrat alive. They get off on it. Or they get off track. Either way.
 
They scare the American electorate with frightening images of Obama, usually black and white pictures, which I assume are supposed to make a black [...]

McCain: Phiten necklace keeps me alive

Corrupting the News…
It appears John McCain is a rather superstitious man. He’s betting his life on voodoo.
At a campaign stop in North Carolina today McCain told reporters that he would have been “old news” if not for his Phiten necklace, which stabilizes the electric flow nerves use to communicate actions to the body.
“Just look at [...]