Message to Joe the Plumber: You’re Rich, Bitch! And a Fraud!

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Considering the News…

Joe the Plumber is a goddamn American hero. In the flesh. All 250 pounds of his bald-headed body…American hero.

At least that’s what the McCain campaign wants the country to believe. They want us to eat him up and say, “Ah, that Joe the Plumber’s just like me – I’ll be damned! McCain really is the guy for regular folks like Joe the Plumber and myself.”

The only problem is Joe the Plumber’s likely a fraud. Actually, I have no doubts about it. This is character placement of the worst kind – like in porn when the pizza guy shows up just as the sexy coed chicks are lotioning each other up, having totally forgotten they even ordered a large cheese 30 minutes before.

Joe the Plumber watches McCain make an ass out of him.

Joe Six Pack meet Joe the Plumber. That’s what this surreptitious political ploy is all about – putting a face, a rather stern and frustrated one, on Joe Six Pack.

Pull him out of the crowd, teach him a few clutch lines, slip him a thousand bucks, and say, “Joe, congratulations – you’re famous!”

Knowing that the McCain campaign has been writing thousands of bogus “Letters to the Editor” around the country, is it any surprise his shameless cohorts would devise such a Rovian scheme?

Not at all. We expect as much. That’s why republicans win more campaigns. That’s why you occasionally experience the patriotism-inspired notion that, “You know, McCain really is a patriot. If he wins, well fuck, I’m right behind him.” Then he smirks and thrusts an unnecessary dagger and the feeling fades quick enough that fortunately no permanent scars or streak marks stay on your conscience.

They’re dirty dogs running a dirty campaign. “I regret some of the things said in this campaign,” McCain said. “Every time there’s been an out-of-bounds remark made by a republican, no matter where they are, I have repudiated them.”

This was just another lame excuse from a cut-throat quasi-racist campaign. High school freshmen showing up at 3 a.m. reeking like booze come up with more compelling excuses than that heartless smut.

At least throw us a fucking bone here, John. Make up some unbelievable shit. Say Sarah Palin’s been hypnotized by terrorists or aliens or something of the sort. Don’t act like you can say anything as long as you repudiate it. Did that work for Michael Richards? No.

And Joe Wurzelbacher may indeed be a plumber wanting to someday buy his own company, but there’s no way he was a random bystander that mystically collided with Obama.

The McCain camp knew Barack was going door-to-door, and if it wasn’t Joe the Plumber it would have been Joe the Carpenter, Joe the Trucker or Joe the Bartender. Eitherway, Joe Middle-Class America was running into Obama that day. It just happened to be Wurzelbacher.

The amusing part of the whole charade was during the debate when flustered McCain ended up flipping out on his own planted gem, Joe the Plumber. Flipped out like a freaking lunatic. Flipped out like the hot head all his cronies, confidants and acquaintances know him to be.

“Joe, congratulations – you’re rich, bitch! And Senator Obama’s gonna raise your taxes!!!”

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Tags: Barack Obama, Barack Obama scandal, Barack Obama Taxes, Debate Coverage, Dirty Politics, Final Debate, Humor, Joe the Plumber, Joe the Plumber is a fraud, John McCain, John McCain Scandal, McCain Joe Plumber, Obama McCain debate, Politics, Presidential Debate, Sarah Palin scandal, Satire, Writing