Considering the News…
There was a rather chilling story featured on CBS’ The Early Show this morning. I’m still trying to wrap my mind around it. If this is the kind of offensive change we should expect under an Obama administration, then perhaps my vote was a tragic blunder. The apocalypse may be nearing.
You see, The Early Show brought it to the country’s attention that today is “National Men Cook Dinner Day.”
Yes, I too experienced that numb, dumbfounded feeling when initially learning such a twisted holiday even existed. It lends one’s mind to wondering what we can expect next…National Women Change the Oil Day? National Let the Gas Hand Past Empty Before Refilling the Fucking Tank Again Day? National, Honey, Don’t Worry I’ll Go Grab that Gallon Of Milk while You Have a Nice Cocktail and Watch the Game Day?
Well, all these ideas sound downright blasphemous in some regard - at least according to the bible of common sense. But even despite the many minds these holidays would blow, they might not be far from fruition. Maybe this Obama thing will work out for the best after all. Indeed, the surgical twist of reality this country needs right now, a proverbial Botox injection in the ass of America, if you will.
And my reasoning is this…After studying the various conseqences and implications of this dubious holiday, one glaringly absurd element continued to bemuse me. That one thing is this: I am already the one who cooks dinner every fucking night as it is. Not her – me! What, she needs a night off from sitting on her ass, lotioning her legs and watching Shear Genius?
Such concepts verge on appalling. And that’s what bewilders the mind, that The Early Show hosts all find the idea so silly and amusing…those people are on drugs. Or maybe they just need to look around and see it’s not the freaking 1950s anymore. Not even the 1970s, for crying out loud.
It’s 2008 and men enjoy cooking. I could cook eight out of every ten women out of a housewife job, so screw them if they truly believe this country is in need of a “National Men Cook Dinner Day.”
But I digress. No sense in becoming upset here. I will simply launch my own ridiculous holiday. Gonna start it today. Should be showing up on 2010 calendars, if not 2009.
“Hey, honey, did you know it’s National Rub Your Man’s Feet and Fix Him a Goddamn Sandwich Day? Yeah, weird shit, right? I saw it on The Early Show. I’m stoked beyond belief! See you right after work, ok. Bring the salami, cheese, and lotion, because today is my special day.”