Tanning in the Sweet Alaskan Sun

As if she needed another blemish on her soft, milky, I’m just like you, complexion, Sarah Palin now faces the egregious charges that one of her first acts as Alaska’s Governor was to install a deluxe ass-frying tanning bed in the governor’s mansion.

This one might be tough to shake. Could stick around for good. Like Herpes.

Affairs, power-tripping, censorship of children’s books, helicopter hunting, eating too many pork ribs, slicking lip stick on tax hikes, and getting a little too liberal with the company (enter State of Alaska) gas card, all could prove trivial in the grand scheme of this election.

Why? All women do these things. Perhaps not every woman is guilty of every one of these offenses, but all women – and most men – have faltered in some idiotic combination of these misdeeds.

But a freaking tanning bed?

No, no, no. That’s Willy Wonka shit we’re talking about now. How many women relate to owning their own thigh griller? How many women have ever uttered the sentence, “Honey, don’t touch the computer, I have to study up on these Charlie Gibson interview questions. I’ll be back in 15 minutes – I’m gonna go catch some rays in the basement. If you’re lucky we might shoot for kid number six when I get back.”

No, not many American women know what that’s all about. Which is why this blasted tanning bed might prove to be the time machine that warped Sarah Palin – and much of the country – back to reality.

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3 Comments

Filed under Dirty Politics

3 responses to “Tanning in the Sweet Alaskan Sun

  1. Spaghetti on the Wall

    This woman is living a life I could only dream of living. I don’t think she should be the vice president though…I think she should be the first Emperor of the Combined Empire of America, in which, the Americans would take Canada, the Canadians could have Mexico, and the Mexicans could become a sea fairing people.

    Next, I will tell you about my plans of populating this fine country with my children. I have a similar plan as Starbucks. I want at least one in every city.

  2. kungfufighting

    don’t forget about the mega supply of elasticity belly oil for Bristol’s stretch marks

  3. It is awesome to know that you guys are helping coach the planet concerning tanning. Thank you for the article.

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