The Weird and the Witchcraft

Witchcraft is alive and well in Congo. It’s not a good sign for any of us. These kinds of things have a tendency to transcend unintended borders. Like the Avian Bird Flu. And Communism. And Terrorism. And Amy Winehouse.

This latest scare is among the most disturbing things I’ve read about in some time. It was at a soccer match, a joyous celebration of sport. The reporting goes that fans and competitors suspected a player of employing fierce witchcraft tactics to dominate the match.

Needless to say, cheaters are seldom welcome anywhere (

The eccentric rogue’s crime?

Probably scored too many goals – some from inexcusably long-range distances. Pinpoint accuracy from 75-plus yards! Yes, I can see how that would raise some suspicions.

Might have bent it too much like Beckham. A goddamn boomerang hooking over everyone’s left shoulder. Definitely suspect.

Kung fu bicycle kicks a dozen feet off the ground. Real Jackie Chan shit. But with no cameras, no special effects, no editing…

Whatever it was, his surreptitious play provoked gunshots from the local authorities (think any neighbor, family member, friend, town idiot or slack jaw with a gun).

Chaos and hysteria ensued. Many scared, fearing for their lives. The inevitable trampling and mauling of a riot followed – dozens of hearts, souls and bodies enduring its wrath.

All this incited by suspicion. Disciples of witchcraft blatantly terrorizing the masses with superhuman soccer abilities, challenging the peaceful ways of civilized societies. Those bloody bastards. Where do they get off?


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Filed under Unexplainable Happenings

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