Corrupting the News…With Michelle Obama receiving invaluable coverage in the upcoming People’s “Top 10 Best & Worst Dressed” issue, the McCain camp is scurrying like rabid dogs to highlight Sarah Palin’s scintillating fashion sense.
Barack’s self-proclaimed “better half” joined widely-despised Hollywood skanks Fergie, Eva Mendez and Sarah Jessica Parker as this year’s posse of well-pampered charlatans. And the Obama camp couldn’t be more thrilled.
“This is huge for us because the majority of American women read nothing other than People’s,” said Obama fashion director, Lloyd Spalding. “This is like free propaganda. A lot of women voters don’t concern themselves with trivial issues. The big question is always, ‘What will the first lady wear!” Well, Michelle proved she won’t disappoint during her four years, hopefully eight years, of touring the world and doing almost nothing of significance other than looking like a damn fox.”
Spalding said the key to Michelle’s dressing success is her ability to hide her powerful man shoulders, which he said were reminiscent of a “freaking linebacker.”
With Sarah Palin’s approval rankings sinking faster than an unopened beer over the side of a fishing boat, the McCain team is contemplating a major makeover for the sass of the ticket.
“It will be kind of like that movie She’s All That, except Sarah’s obviously not in high school,” McCain fashion guru, Carla Stripes said. “She might act like she’s still in high school, but now she can definitely look like it, too.”
Plans include a new line of dresses to replace her trademark dress suits, which proved to be the dagger in Hillary Clinton’s farcical campaign. Also being considered is a weekly “Swimsuit Saturday,” where Palin would don her cherished American flag bikini and tour small towns in battleground states, where the population is predominately comprised of greasy, toothless folks who aren’t accustomed to seeing the bare skin of non-kin.
“It’s a risky move, but we don’t want to look back in November and realize John McCain lost the election because Sarah didn’t properly use her assets,” Stripes said. “We’ve found that people are tired of listening to her read from telepromtors, so this is our best option. Especially if we decide to take advantage of the pole dancing classes she’s been taking.”
On a side note, the worst dressed woman this year is “American Idol” psychotic judge, Paula Abdul – an award that surprised nobody. Not even Paula Abdul.