Palin Discloses State Spending Checkbook

Corrupting the News…

Sarah Palin is earnest about absolute government transparency and accountability, so much so the Alaska governor’s office is now releasing comprehensive spending records from her time in office.

Answering the calls of media critics accusing her of cloaking controversial documents as governor, Palin aims to reassure voters that she will bring pure change to a “greedy and corrupt” Washington.

“America wants honest leaders, so I want to show them I got nothin’ to hide,” Palin said. “If Barack Obama is serious about being president, I would hope he does the same.”

Palin declined to comment on the fact Senator Obama has never held an executive office, and thus has never assumed responsibility of a comparable checkbook. She also appeared quite dumbfounded when reporters informed her of the federal government already having full disclosure at USASpending.gov, where Obama’s spending records are easily accessible.

Palin charged Alaskan taxpayers $875 in October of 2007 for a professional fisherman to land her a prize catch.

Palin charged Alaskan taxpayers $875 in October of 2007 for a professional fisherman to land her a prize catch.

“Well, it’s about darn time,” Palin said. “I’ll have to have someone on my staff read those and see what he’s been up to.”

Some notable expenditures of Governor Sarah Palin’s:

  • $1,200 to Winchester Ammunition: One-time payment for year’s supply of shotgun shells and limited edition Teddy Roosevelt cartridges.
  • $2,700 to COVERGIRL: One-time payment for basics cosmetics, including 27 tubes of lip gloss.
  • $2.95 to Amazon.com: One-time payment for copy of The U.S. Constitution:And Fascinating Facts About It. (Accounting Note: This purchase was later returned. A full refund was granted.)
  • $2,800 to Pitbull Breeding Co.: One-time payment for 10 female and 2 male bulldogs.
  • $4,800 to Michael Vick Dogfighting, Inc.: One-time payment for complete dogfighting kit, including cages, training videos, and whips.
  • $79 to Bikini Unlimited: One-time payment for American flag bikini.
  • $6,600 to Tanning Bed Paradise: One-time payment for personal tanning bed, plus installation.
  • $397 to Hank’s Knives: One-time payment for complete moose-scalping knife collection.
  • $900 to Mounting Industries: One-time payment for moose-head mounting kit.
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