Corrupting the News…
For the record, John McCain’s refusal to shake Barack Obama’s hand was not a slight – it was a thoughtful gesture.
The Arizona senator said a coughing fit resulted in a massive wad of spit landing in his right palm, which he didn’t believe Obama would have appreciated.
“It’s not the 19th century anymore, people don’t spit and shake,” McCain said. “I could have shaken his hand, sure, and I would have left a disgusting green loogie in it. That’s not the way I plan to get elected. I’m running a clean campaign here.”
The Obama camp has accepted McCain’s apology, saying the germaphobic senator from Illinois likely would have passed out if such a gruesome exchange had been made.
“Senator Obama typically avoids handshakes whenever possible, so he’s glad McCain kept his bodily fluids to himself – Barack really dodged a bullet there,” said Obama spokesman, Charles Splat. “I mean, would you want McCain hacking up phlegm in your hand?”
While the two candidates failed to shake hands, Obama did share a brief embrace with Cindy McCain, who Obama said made an unusual request.
“Vicodin – that’s what she was after,” Obama said. “I told her I was fresh out, but that I support providing more painkillers to 95 percent of Americans. I have a plan for that actually, but it’s going to take a firm investment from the country.”