Corrupting the News…
John McCain doesn’t care much for breasts. At least not on the cover of magazines.
The Arizona senator told a pro-life crowd in Ohio that the latest issue of W magazine – featuring Jolie’s provocative ta’s and an infant’s curious paw – should be pulled from newstands in the name of common decency.
“My friends, I’m all about breasts in magazines, just check my mailbox,” said the 72-year-old. “But, my fellow Americans, when naked hooters start showing up on newstand covers, unhidden from children’s eyes, then enough is enough. These Hollywood liberals might not care about ethical standards, but just check my record – I have put my country before boobs every time.”
Although the move stands to re-re-resolidify his support among the non-sexual ultra-conservative base, republican analysts speculate it might hurt his image among independents.
“I just don’t see how you denounce breastfeeding, or even breasts in general, for that matter – especially when they’re Angelina Jolie’s of all people,” said Robert Rowdy, republican analyst for Cinemax. “There’s probably six men in America who will vote for him now, and he’s related to all of them.”
The harsh stance has also spawned a rift between McCain and vice-presidential running mate, Sarah Palin, who is an ardant supporter of the voluptuous appendages.
“Sarah Palin has always advocated on behalf of breasts of all shapes, sizes, and angles,” said Maureen Browley, Palin’s wardrobe aide. “In all seriousness, where would Sarah be without them? Probably married to some wife beater in Alaska…I mean Iowa.”
The Obama campaign released a statement applauding Jolie for her courage and her extensive work for mothers worldwide.
“Senator Obama has always been a huge Angelina Jolie fan,” said Mitch Brock, an Obama aide. “He’s already requested a signed copy of the issue, as well as any extra photo negatives the photographer might have lying around. Huge fan of hers. Huge.“