Considering the News…
Richard Nixon has two seats saved in Hell for Karl Rove and Rudy Giuliani. The bastards plan to smoke cigars, shoot guns and trade pots, cackling it up as they compare stories of political warfare. Might even play some darts afterwards.
Nixon and Rove would naturally dominate the conversation, slapping each other on the back each time one trumped the other. We can only pray the twisted, god-spiting nature of these ruthless leaders of the Distinguished League of Political Crooks is never replicated again. Pure evil plagues their spirits. Straight from the devil’s boiling cauldron of fear and hate.
“I broke into Watergate and damn near got away with it,” Nixon grunts. “That goddamn Forrest Gump and those two clowns from the Washington Post fucked it all up!”
“Yeah, well you see what I did to that son of bitch John McCain before the South Carolina primary in 2000?” Rove responds. “Took that straight out of LBJ’s play book. The only democrat to contribute anything worth a damn the whole twentieth century.”
And Giuliani wouldn’t have shit to say. The glib little punk just sits on his hands and smirks. Laughing at all of Mean Dick’s lame and misogynistic jokes, asking if he requires another scotch. Asking Rove if he can iron his shirt and polish his undercarriage again.
Because Giuliani’s never been more than a political hack whose ambition exceeds his competence and balls, having only won the NYC mayorship because nobody else was stupid or egotistical enough to take on such a doomed mission. Whatever power he might have fancied himself to boast was never worth much, because even his closest comrades knew his word wasn’t worth shit.
But now I’m not so sure. After reading about his disgusting robocall on the Huffington Post I now suspect little Rudy might indeed be as evil and shameless as the best of them (worst of them, I suppose).
We always knew the words oozing through his insufferable lisp were imbued with some venomous substance, yet the exact elements seemed to always elude us.
Now we know.
His despicable being is comprised of a lethal cocktail of East River sewer water, pure ethanol, a gallon of putrid stomach bile, and a half-cup of Nixon’s piss. Not the kind of toxic chemicals you want around the house. It eats you alive. Full-grown men don’t stand a chance, let alone the children and the elderly.
So consider this a kind warning: steer clear of Giuliani and anyone who speaks his name with a straight face. No good can come of it. Not when smug Rudy is behind the plot.
Actual message from Rudy Giuliani:
“Hi, this is Rudy Giuliani and I’m calling for John McCain and the Republican National Committee, because you need to know that Barack Obama opposes mandatory prison sentences for sex offenders, drug dealers, and murderers. It’s true, I read Obama’s words myself. And recently, Congressional liberals introduced a bill to eliminate mandatory prison sentences for violent criminals — trying to give liberal judges the power to decide whether criminals are sent to jail or set free. With priorities like these, we just can’t trust the inexperience and judgment of Barack Obama and his liberal allies. This call was paid for by the Republican National Committee and McCain-Palin 2008.”