Nixon, Rove and Giuliani – A Political Poker Game in Hell

Considering the News…

Richard Nixon has two seats saved in Hell for Karl Rove and Rudy Giuliani. The bastards plan to smoke cigars, shoot guns and trade pots, cackling it up as they compare stories of political warfare. Might even play some darts afterwards.

Nixon and Rove would naturally dominate the conversation, slapping each other on the back each time one trumped the other. We can only pray the twisted, god-spiting nature of these ruthless leaders of the Distinguished League of Political Crooks is never replicated again. Pure evil plagues their spirits. Straight from the devil’s boiling cauldron of fear and hate.

“I broke into Watergate and damn near got away with it,” Nixon grunts. “That goddamn Forrest Gump and those two clowns from the Washington Post fucked it all up!”

“Yeah, well you see what I did to that son of bitch John McCain before the South Carolina primary in 2000?” Rove responds. “Took that straight out of LBJ’s play book. The only democrat to contribute anything worth a damn the whole twentieth century.”

And Giuliani wouldn’t have shit to say. The glib little punk just sits on his hands and smirks. Laughing at all of Mean Dick’s lame and misogynistic jokes, asking if he requires another scotch. Asking Rove if he can iron his shirt and polish his undercarriage again.

Because Giuliani’s never been more than a political hack whose ambition exceeds his competence and balls, having only won the NYC mayorship because nobody else was stupid or egotistical enough to take on such a doomed mission. Whatever power he might have fancied himself to boast was never worth much, because even his closest comrades knew his word wasn’t worth shit.

But now I’m not so sure. After reading about his disgusting robocall on the Huffington Post I now suspect little Rudy might indeed be as evil and shameless as the best of them (worst of them, I suppose).

We always knew the words oozing through his insufferable lisp were imbued with some venomous substance, yet the exact elements seemed to always elude us.

Now we know.

His despicable being is comprised of a lethal cocktail of East River sewer water, pure ethanol, a gallon of putrid stomach bile, and a half-cup of Nixon’s piss. Not the kind of toxic chemicals you want around the house. It eats you alive. Full-grown men don’t stand a chance, let alone the children and the elderly.

So consider this a kind warning: steer clear of Giuliani and anyone who speaks his name with a straight face. No good can come of it. Not when smug Rudy is behind the plot.

Actual message from Rudy Giuliani:

“Hi, this is Rudy Giuliani and I’m calling for John McCain and the Republican National Committee, because you need to know that Barack Obama opposes mandatory prison sentences for sex offenders, drug dealers, and murderers. It’s true, I read Obama’s words myself. And recently, Congressional liberals introduced a bill to eliminate mandatory prison sentences for violent criminals — trying to give liberal judges the power to decide whether criminals are sent to jail or set free. With priorities like these, we just can’t trust the inexperience and judgment of Barack Obama and his liberal allies. This call was paid for by the Republican National Committee and McCain-Palin 2008.”

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15 Comments

Filed under Corrupting the News

15 responses to “Nixon, Rove and Giuliani – A Political Poker Game in Hell

  1. You know, I have to tell you, I really enjoy this blog and the insight from everyone who participates. I find it to be refreshing and very informative. I wish there were more blogs like it. Anyway, I felt it was about time I posted, Iíve spent most of my time here just lurking and reading, but today for some reason I just felt compelled to say this.

  2. Say What

    Implying Nixon would give Giuliani the time of day is an absolute disservice to the crookedest man in history.

  3. Nice site. Thereís some good information on here. Iíll be checking back regularly.

  4. Harry S. Truman

    First of all, my parents were big fans of the former president. you know he dropped the atom bomb right? 2 of em actually. anyway, way to go jamie, we love having you here at winn and tonic. awesome use of the word lurking. could you try working the word unsavory into your next post? and you sir winn and tonic, you do know what rudy did for newy york right? he took times square from gotham city to a place where you can actually take your family on vacation. so pump the brakes and back off, jack off. rudy is a punk bitch though. do you know how much of the taxpayers money we could save without having mandatory sentences? probably not but i do, i have half a major in crimianl justice and thats better than a full minor

  5. jmwinn

    Welcome, Jamie. Always glad to meet a new reader. I took a glance at your site and really enjoyed it. I’m adding it to the blog roll!

  6. I’ve been reading along for a while now. I just wanted to drop you a comment to say keep up the good work.

  7. Well saidÖ Great information, keep up the great work!

  8. there is a name for the abnormality that drives these three to overcompensate in such a petty and vindictive fashion:
    Small Penis Syndrome

  9. i think it took truman two hours and dictionary to come up with his post

    anyways….rock on winn and tonic…..love your stuff

    question: what happens on november 5th….you gonna switch topics??

    i would suggest discussing an array of interesting topics from porn to politics to poetry to pre-pubescant teenage boys trying to act cool on blog sites (Harry Truman)

    one.

  10. Pingback: Obama will say anything to get elected. Really, John McCain? Really? « Winn & Tonic

  11. Charlie Kelly

    Concerning the blizzard: Listen here you little snowflake, this is your free pass. This is a warning, you don’t want it with me. Keep going down on W&T and know your role. You don’t have the mental horsepower to keep up with me little buddy.

  12. Funny Cide

    Very fitting for you snowwhite, to pick the shortest guy on the show as your alias.

  13. hahahahaha….snow white = funny

  14. Pingback: Bigots, Lunatics, Robocalls, and the McCain Campaign « Winn & Tonic

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