Considering the News…
How did it get to this? How did the GOP split like the pants of a fat man trying to touch his toes? It once seemed an impossible divorce. Now it must ravage their brains like a horrific dream.
W’s first years in office symbolized the era of an unrelenting bond between fiscal conservatives, evangelicals, and southern zealots. It was a peculiar medley of citizens living harmoniously on the axis of patriotism, Christianity, and an ire for taxes. Different shades of characters all agreeing on a few certainties – Jesus lives, terrorists die, the tax man can get fucked.
Such unrelated concepts bound a majority of the electorate together, with Karl Rove’s devious plan of everlasting power seemingly on the cusp of fruition.
Moderate democrats and radical liberals pissed themselves, fearing the country’s absolute political narrative had been writtten. Something had to give. Surely this shit couldn’t endure forever. However, no immediate demographic shifts appeared likely. Perhaps never again in this lifetime.
So what the hell happened? How are the democrats a mere seven days away from claiming governing dominance? Seven days away from forging a monopoly in congress and the White House. Seven days away from throwing more republicans out of Washington.
Well, George W. Bush happened. Then John McCain happened. And then Sarah Palin happened.
Three different entities representing three wildly different visions of the party. And we all know three heads in one bed just doesn’t make any damn sense – not unless porn is involved.
Bush’s approval ratings illuminate the growing discontent even party loyalists have with undisciplined spending. John McCain’s original immigration stance and utter failure to court the core party base proves they won’t just vote for any yokel waving a flag and wearing GOP pins. And Sarah Palin’s thinning patience with McCain highlights where the party is now headed – for a drastic overhaul before 2012.
Palin’s swift claim of Christian conservative hearts indicates the party’s future lies with its past. She’s cut ties with her runningmate on many issues, trashing pre-drafted speeches and trumpeting her own record instead. McCain’s closest aides have responded with vicious words, berating her with cries of “diva” and “whack job.”
Either way, the grand old party has become a festering heap of crucifixes and tax cuts, as more and more people realize Jesus could just as well be a democrat and republicans can waste money with the best of them. Now a massive shortage on ideas has Karl Rove losing sleep, as his righteous dreams prove naive and unfounded.
Now it’s back to the drawing board. Preparations for 2012 begin next Wednesday. John McCain won’t be involved in any notable fashion, but something tells me Palin will have a black magic marker in her hand and a smile on her face.