Victoria’s Secret Bras Mutilate Breasts – No Bra Look to Return

Considering the News…

At one time or another everyone has been mentally scarred by images of the 1960s feminist hippie fashion rebellion, namely the unabashed bra-less look that insulted man’s imagination the country over. Certain staples of the era will never be forgotten; melodies and visions of reckless jubilation seared permanently into the senses.

There was the free-flowing music, the psychedelic drugs, the unbridled locks of hair…and millions upon millions of pointy nipples challenging the barriers of flimsy fabrics. At times, there was no fabric whatsoever – just millions of pointy nipples.

Is this what you want, America?

Is this what you want, America?

But we progressed as a society, eventually arriving at point in the 1990s when lift bras gave every woman (ok, many women) the seductive boost of long-forgotten Greek goddesses. Women and men everywhere rejoiced, as it seemed fashion, comfort and lust had finally arrived at that distant apex of visual sensation. And times were damn good for all of us.

However, recent negligence by America’s favorite bra-maker – Victoria’s Secret – risks erasing decades of work. A class action lawsuit has been filed against the sex tease conglomerate, and the looming implications are dire. Apparently the latest lines have been causing rashes, hives, scars, and even welts on the bosoms of society, and the country’s women are answering with vigor.

Which, of course, spells imminent doom for the curious and admiring gentlemen of the world. Today it’s a class action lawsuit, tomorrow it’s a complete rejection of the technology altogether. We could be facing a savage return to the past, to a time dominated by drooping flesh and vulgar fabric penetration.

Indeed, it’s a sad day. Hopefully Victoria’s Secret gets its shit together and fixes the glitches. Rebellion would lead to misery. Salvation is in their hands. If not for the comfort of our women, then at least for the sake of our treasured catalogues. Only time will tell.

Call up your congressmen - there's too much at stake.

Call up your congressmen and congresswomen - there's too much at stake.



Filed under I Don't Believe It!

8 responses to “Victoria’s Secret Bras Mutilate Breasts – No Bra Look to Return

  1. Becky

    OMG the Angel pushup bra left a HUGE welt under my boob! Im never buying a Victorias Secret bra again.

  2. jmwinn

    Sorry to hear that, Becky. Hopefully VS rights the ship here. There’s a lot at stake.

  3. i believe the company moniker is Victoria’s Secret

  4. jmwinn

    Thanks, Kung Fu…you can tell I’ve never written a check there.

  5. I.M. Fletcher

    You are correct Kung Fu, but maybe a bit nit picky. Can you imagine if this lawsuit gets to a jury? That would not be good for Victoria’s Secret. That really would be 12 angry men.

  6. I.M. Fletcher

    Never written a check there or intentional mistake to disguise the ugly truth?

  7. jmwinn

    I said I had never “written” a check there, Fletcher. It’s a checkcard world, my friend…

  8. JPop

    OMGH I HATE THOSE BRAS!!!!!! They arnt comfortable at all

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