Lance Armstrong fears attack – French people still crazy

Considering the News…

Word on the bike trail is the French are going to unleash the fury on Lance Armstrong next summer, when the 7-time Tour de France champion emerges from retirement in a quest for yet another title.

Armstrong has expressed his fear of being brutalized by a pack of crazed frogs, who he evidently  believes are all foaming at the mouth, eager to get a lick or two on him. Armstrong falsely imagines that the French, who hate all Americans, hate him the most on account of his dominance in their silly, shitty little race.

This story naturally means two things…

1) The French are in serious need of a new passion. When only wine and bicycling get you out of bed in the morning, one should consider grabbing a bottle of Wild Turkey, some Xanax, and a .44 Magnum. A memorable afternoon surely awaits any man or woman (even the French) brandishing those mind-blowing items.

2) Lance Armstrong is crazy as shit. This paranoid and newly inspired version of Armstrong should not be allowed in or on anything that moves faster than 6 mph. Not until his sanity returns and the illusions of 700-pound vultures chasing him through the desert disappear. His mind is moving much too fast these days. And going to France again cannot be the answer.

Would a sane man agree to this?

Would a sane man agree to this?



Filed under I Don't Believe It!

2 responses to “Lance Armstrong fears attack – French people still crazy

  1. B.J.

    Depressed people do weird things. Riding bicycles and dating Sheryl Crow come to mind.

  2. Alex

    He might be mad, but he is great–and that shitty little race, ridiculous as it is, is a battlefield none of us shitty little paper pushers could ever approach.

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