The Obese – Two people or people, too?

Considering the News…

Fat people are people, too – that’s just accepted science. Perhaps they suffer inconveniences and alienation unknown to the rest, but pound for pound they are just as human as their undersized brethren.

However, now those afflicted by clapping man titties, cottage cheese thighs, and bubbling and bulging waist lines will be considered more than mere people. They are now super people…Yes, super people with the rights of two citizens.

You see, the Canadian Supreme Court (in the most perplexing of all rulings) has concluded each ass cheek should be given equal rights, at least when it comes to traveling on commercial jets. Therefore, Canadian airlines must now sell the extraordinarily healthy folks two seats for the price of one, if, of course, their bloated asses cannot comfortably fit into seats fitted for the common man.

Wow. Fucking wow. I am an ardent supporter of all things equality, but this is downright egregious. The skinny man gets the long, cold and rigid shaft, as his chubby counterparts reap the benefits of luxury seating on account of their inflated rumps trumping standard seat sizes.

That’s just fucking crazy. And it’s only the first step in a long and dirty trend that will unfold as people get fatter and more pissed off about it. If fat people are getting away with this today (given it’s only Canada) then we can only imagine what startling perks they will be rewarded in the coming decades.

The little man better bulk up now. Double Whoppers for everyone. Skinny folks can’t afford to fall behind. There’s too much riding on it. The porkers of the world have spoken, and they now hold all the cards. And apparently all the seats, too.

It's a bird! It's a plane! It's TWO fucking people!

It's a bird! It's a plane! It's TWO fucking people!


Filed under I Don't Believe It!

4 responses to “The Obese – Two people or people, too?

  1. sandysays1

    If you leave lawyers in a courtroom with some judges long enough they’ll make it necessary for you to fart in a bottle or have your rectum sealed with concrete. That’s just the nature of government and courts. Sometimes being shipwrecked on an isolated island doesn’t seem so bad.

  2. I.M. Fletcher

    All is not lost. I recently read in Pimp Monthly, that prostitutes are capitalizing on the obesity epidemic. They are now charging fat guys double for sex. If a man has the weight of two men, the whores are charging for what is known on the streets as a “tag team”, which in some cases is more than what one man would pay for two seperate encounters.

  3. jmwinn

    Solid point, Fletch. The opportunities for profit await anyone with a dream, discipline, and a vision.

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