Economy Down but Chlamydia Up – Fair Trade Off

Considering the News…

Having grown weary from the exhaustive news coverage of our economy being in shambles and  the fate of everyone essentially being doomed, I was more than pleased to learn chlamydia is surging like a blind horse in heat.

One can read about new record  lows only so many times before he goes madly insane, so this recent report that America’s favorite venereal disease is on the up and up comes at an ideal time. That this economic turmoil has incited a myriad of suicides but hasn’t yet extinguished our desire to have rampant, unprotected, hate sex is just the good news we need right now.

To be quite blunt, I was dangerously close to losing my wits prior to learning of the unparalleled promiscuity and debauchery spreading joy in America. Trudging through an endless stream of depression stories, I likely risked sacrificing my own good heart, clear conscience and generally affable nature before much longer. Something, needless to say, I wasn’t incredibly excited about enduring.

So fortunately my playful dreams will be disrupted by the economic horror stories no longer. Sunshine stories still do come along every now and again. They still do come along.

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3 Comments

Filed under I Don't Believe It!

3 responses to “Economy Down but Chlamydia Up – Fair Trade Off

  1. Mama Mia

    hookers ain’t going anywhere. doesn’t matter what the economy looks like.

  2. Author, math guy Gerd Gerzinger theorizes that if everybody was just a little more slutty there would be a lot less rampant STD outbreaks. As he suggests, when people want casual encounters, both men and women often end up with a “usual suspects” rogues gallery of super promiscous folks who spread disease like wild fire. As such, if the numbers were spread out among more of the general population, there would be less disease, as clean people would hook up more often and be less exposed to std’s. Just a thought while we’re on the subject.

  3. That’s a very interesting theory, Mike, one I believe could have some sturdy legs. Seems most of the horror stories I have heard did have one recurring theme – the source was always a close acquaintance.

    I suppose experts always do recommend a diverse portfolio as the route with less risk.

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