Tag Archives: Barack Obama scandal

Jessie Jackson Jr., how dare you bring money into politics

Considering the News…

If recent speculation out of Illinois proves to be remotely veracious, then Jessie Jackson Jr., son of the esteemed Jessie Jackson, yes, that Jessie Jackson, had better commence preparation of an explanation.

The damning word from Lincoln’s Land is that J-Cubed is “Candidate 5” of the scandalous saga concerning Illinois Gov. Blagojevich’s unique interpretation of corruption. While the alias “Candidate 5” has a pleasant ring to it – it sounds both official and surprisingly James Bondish – it isn’t a moniker Jessie’s son Jessie necessarily enjoys today.

This because Candidate 5 is allegedly the only candidate of the group (it is believed there were only 5 candidates, but who can be certain these days?) who offered straight cash for the open senate seat left by President-elect Obama.

Although the other 4 implicated candidates (again, I stress there may be many, many more, perhaps dozens, if not hundreds) reportedly refused participance in Blagojevich’s “Pay for Play” style of business, it appears Triple-J was more than willing to deliver one million in unmarked bills straight to Blago’s campaign coffers in exchange for the appointment.

(Editor’s Note: I have yet to find any reports of how Rep. Jackson Jr. obtained these unmarked bills, or any reports that he actually ever even offered unmarked bills, for that matter. They likely weren’t unmarked bills.)

What we do know, or what speculators close to the investigation believe they know, is that the son of Jessie sought to purchase the senate seat in very much the same way a mob boss furnishes the condo of his mistress – with straight cash. And such an ostentatious approach doesn’t jive with accepted political tradition, for democracy is the people’s system, not the financier’s playpen.

Thus Junior Jackson’s current standing isn’t enviable in the least, for what politician wishes to be marred by allegations of buying his or her office? What public official wants his or her legacy tainted by astronomical sums of money, ungodly amounts of money, being used to close the deal?

Indeed, not many that I know of. Especially not from Illinois, the cherished Land of Lincoln. Not a chance.

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Obama is British and Harry Potter is a Muggle

Considering the News…

The grandest court in all the land has rejected an emergency appeal from a New Jersey man who claims to know more about the President-elect than even, say, the President-elect.

No, he’s not a biographer, per se, but he understands natural citizenship more than most, which makes it a damn shame his case won’t be heard in earnest by the U.S. Supreme Court.

Leo Donofrio (yes, that’s his real name) of Brunswick, N.J., contends that as Obama’s mother was American but his father was Kenyan, and thus a British subject, in no way whatsoever can Obama really be a pure-blood American, rendering him ineligible for the presidency.

It’s a vague and shady genetic equation, but Donofrio’s theory is flawless and has the backing of a monumental precedent. You see, in the case of Hermione v. Hogwartz School of Wizardry, Professor Dumbledore ruled that as Ms. Granger was undeniably the mixed blood product of a witch and a muggle, she did not qualify for classification as a pure-blood witch, no matter how prodigious her abilities.

Thus I hope the U.S. Supreme Court reconsiders the egregious dismissal of such a sincere case. Once again America finds itself at the mercy of the courts electing to legislate from the bench. What a dark world we live in.

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The Juice faces 6 years to life – The squeeze is on

Considering the News…

O.J. can set the golf clubs down and grab a trash pick, because the only greens he’ll be seeing for awhile will be roadside ditch weeds as he stabs at McDonald’s sacks  in his neon orange vest.

Yes sir, the Juice is finally doing time. Six years to life, in fact. Should be brutal. Especially as he sits in his unfinished cell block trying to wrap his meager mind around the bewildering fact a man can actually do hard time for stealing his own shit. Simply dumbfounding, I know, Juice.

But all the glitter isn’t gold, as they say, and the sparks around O.J. Simpson’s once glorified life have faded faster than the 2008 Buffalo Bills.

Perhaps the Juice will use this opportunity to establish a new state of mind, one that doesn’t take orbit around his own greed and self-centered ambitions, one where ex-lovers become friends and fans find equal ground with stars.

Maybe he’ll find Jesus. Maybe he’ll find Allah. Maybe he’ll find Tito the lovely body builder from cell block 9.

Not sure. Nor do I care. The glove fit this time and they used it to keep hands clean while squeezing the freedom juice from Simpson’s fantasy world. Ain’t life grand, that so many can find peace and joy in the unnecessary sorrows of such a confused soul.

oj-simpson-tv-book-special-hypothetical-11-16-2006   

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Preparing for 2012: Palin, McCain and the GOP divide

Considering the News…

How did it get to this? How did the GOP split like the pants of a fat man trying to touch his toes? It once seemed an impossible divorce. Now it must ravage their brains like a horrific dream.

W’s first years in office symbolized the era of an unrelenting bond between fiscal conservatives, evangelicals, and southern zealots. It was a peculiar medley of citizens living harmoniously on the axis of patriotism, Christianity, and an ire for taxes. Different shades of characters all agreeing on a few certainties – Jesus lives, terrorists die, the tax man can get fucked.

Such unrelated concepts bound a majority of the electorate together, with Karl Rove’s devious plan of everlasting power seemingly on the cusp of fruition.

Moderate democrats and radical liberals pissed themselves, fearing the country’s absolute political narrative had been writtten. Something had to give. Surely this shit couldn’t endure forever. However, no immediate demographic shifts appeared likely. Perhaps never again in this lifetime.

So what the hell happened? How are the democrats a mere seven days away from claiming governing dominance? Seven days away from forging a monopoly in congress and the White House. Seven days away from throwing more republicans out of Washington.

Well, George W. Bush happened. Then John McCain happened. And then Sarah Palin happened.

Three different entities representing three wildly different visions of the party. And we all know three heads in one bed just doesn’t make any damn sense – not unless porn is involved.

Bush’s approval ratings illuminate the growing discontent even party loyalists have with undisciplined spending. John McCain’s original immigration stance and utter failure to court the core party base proves they won’t just vote for any yokel waving a flag and wearing GOP pins. And Sarah Palin’s thinning patience with McCain highlights where the party is now headed – for a drastic overhaul before 2012.

Palin’s swift claim of Christian conservative hearts indicates the party’s future lies with its past. She’s cut ties with her runningmate on many issues, trashing pre-drafted speeches and trumpeting her own record instead. McCain’s closest aides have responded with vicious words, berating her with cries of “diva” and “whack job.”

Either way, the grand old party has become a festering heap of crucifixes and tax cuts, as more and more people realize Jesus could just as well be a democrat and republicans can waste money with the best of them. Now a massive shortage on ideas has Karl Rove losing sleep, as his righteous dreams prove naive and unfounded.

Now it’s back to the drawing board. Preparations for 2012 begin next Wednesday. John McCain won’t be involved in any notable fashion, but something tells me Palin will have a black magic marker in her hand and a smile on her face.

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Skinheads Plot Obama Assassination – Fail Miserably

Considering the News…

Daniel Cowart and Paul Schlesselman are not your typical white supremacist skinheads. They have big ambitions and delusions of neo-Nazi grandeur, you see. Death concerns them none. Not their own or anyone else’s.  They concoct evil schemes of epic proportions. Spine-rattling schemes straight out of Hitler’s racial-cleansing playbook.

They have a myriad of things going for them. Fortunately for mankind, competence and common sense were never sown into their organic roots.

Thus in lieu of achieving infamy and martyrdom in the bigot kingdom, these two cankerous jackals will receive cute nicknames like ‘Baby D’ and ‘Sweet P Schlesselman’ in the land of kinky felons and god-spiting sodomites.

Indeed, Danny and Paul are off to the dungeons of mental-oppression, having fallen 102 bodies short of their 102-corpse plot that would have began with a predominately black high school and ended with Senator Obama.

Hopefully they one day feel remorse. Hopefully they someday feel shame. Lord knows they will soon feel pain – many thrusts of it.

And today I am imbued with gratitude – thankful that lunacy and ambition failed to accomplish anything this time around…thankful those two punks will be remembered for idiocy and hatred, but not for efficiency and productivity.

Rot in hell, you scumbags. The world, even in its most bigoted terrains, is a better place today. Now that you’re off the streets.

Tired of being beaten up as a child, Cowart shows how tough he is with a gun

Tired of being beaten up as a child, Cowart shows how big and bad and tough he is with a gun.

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Bigots, Lunatics, Robocalls, and the McCain Campaign

Considering the News…

There’s much panic, paranoia and uncertainty swarming around the dysfunctional McCain camp, as volunteers and supporters launch vigilante fear-mongering campaigns to sway (scare) undecided voters.

It’s bad enough that you have Rudy Giuliani’s smug little ass robo-calling American households at all hours of the night. It’s even worse that you have depressed and delusional coeds carving up their own faces and blaming the savagery on imaginary 6-4 black dudes.

The racial undertones behind these incidents are disturbing – in the mildest sense – but at least the cockeyed hooligans responsible had the decency (cowardice?) to suppress them to the point of mere undertones.

Then you have the brazen racists and bigots groping each other at Sarah Palin’s KKK rallies – mean folks hellbent on bleaching the American citizenry. The kind of nervous and intolerant rednecks who sleep with Confederate flag quilts and Nazi throw pillows…Twisted back-country minds that will likely plague our society for decades to come.

And it’s a damn shame. As an ardent supporter of the First Amendment I am torn on whether it extends to the kind of pure smut featured below. From Chaplinsky v. New Hampshire and Brandenburg v. Ohio to National Socialist (Nazi) Party v. Skokie, the issue of hate speech has been addressed by the Supreme Court numerous times. However, I’m uncertain where this letter – taped to mailboxes in Wisconsin – falls under these rulings. Maybe I don’t want to know……

This fucked letter was taped to Wisconsin mailboxes

This fucked letter was taped to Wisconsin mailboxes

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Joe the Unlicensed Plumber

Considering the News…

Looks like Joe the Plumber is going to be out of a job. Stardom is a bitch like that.

You don’t become an iconic archetype of American politics and get away unscathed. As McCain would even say – first it’s the hatchet, then the scalpel.

Well, they’re taking the scalpel right between Joe’s ears and legs right now, because reports from the Toledo Blade indicate that Samuel Joe Wurzelbacher is an Ohio plumber – just not a legally licensed one.

Which, of course, is a problem, seeing as how most state laws require proper credentials for obtaining jobs that dictate where and when the shit flows.

I’m sure Joe the Plumber will be fine, however. He has every major TV, radio, and news medium in the country wanting to polish that sleak dome of his. Thus I imagine a handsome reward – possibly a book deal or star role in the WWE – will land in his lap shortly…assuming it hadn’t already before he ever “happened” upon Barack Obama last week.

Oh, how fate does put the average Joe in unfathomable situations.

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