Tag Archives: Celebrity gossip

Alert:Boy George is creepier than we thought

Considering the Weird…

Turns out Boy George is the one hurting people these days.

The disturbed pervert, who stormed through the fame gates with his 1980s songs “Karma Chameleon” and “Do You Really Want to Hurt Me”, was found guilty today of falsely imprisoning one of his teammates from the coke-addled porn stars.

Turns out Georgie lured his unsuspecting victim back to the crib after a porn shoot (creepy), handcuffed him to a wall (creepier), and then proceeded to beat him into submission with a chain (creepy, yes, but also wrong as hell).

The 47-year-old cross dresser reportedly hatched the wicked scheme in retaliation for his victim refusing to sleep with him when they originally met, which highlights just how jumbled Boy George’s head is.

The two starred together in a raunchy pino before heading back to a nasty love palace where handcuffs and chains and lotions awaited, yet George was ticked about not getting that weeks or months or whatever beforehand…Wow.

Just doesn’t make any damn sense. But, then again, neither do songs about chameleons, so what do I know.

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Filed under Unexplainable Happenings

Victoria’s Secret Bras Mutilate Breasts – No Bra Look to Return

Considering the News…

At one time or another everyone has been mentally scarred by images of the 1960s feminist hippie fashion rebellion, namely the unabashed bra-less look that insulted man’s imagination the country over. Certain staples of the era will never be forgotten; melodies and visions of reckless jubilation seared permanently into the senses.

There was the free-flowing music, the psychedelic drugs, the unbridled locks of hair…and millions upon millions of pointy nipples challenging the barriers of flimsy fabrics. At times, there was no fabric whatsoever – just millions of pointy nipples.

Is this what you want, America?

Is this what you want, America?

But we progressed as a society, eventually arriving at point in the 1990s when lift bras gave every woman (ok, many women) the seductive boost of long-forgotten Greek goddesses. Women and men everywhere rejoiced, as it seemed fashion, comfort and lust had finally arrived at that distant apex of visual sensation. And times were damn good for all of us.

However, recent negligence by America’s favorite bra-maker – Victoria’s Secret – risks erasing decades of work. A class action lawsuit has been filed against the sex tease conglomerate, and the looming implications are dire. Apparently the latest lines have been causing rashes, hives, scars, and even welts on the bosoms of society, and the country’s women are answering with vigor.

Which, of course, spells imminent doom for the curious and admiring gentlemen of the world. Today it’s a class action lawsuit, tomorrow it’s a complete rejection of the technology altogether. We could be facing a savage return to the past, to a time dominated by drooping flesh and vulgar fabric penetration.

Indeed, it’s a sad day. Hopefully Victoria’s Secret gets its shit together and fixes the glitches. Rebellion would lead to misery. Salvation is in their hands. If not for the comfort of our women, then at least for the sake of our treasured catalogues. Only time will tell.

Call up your congressmen - there's too much at stake.

Call up your congressmen and congresswomen - there's too much at stake.

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Filed under I Don't Believe It!

McCain condemns Angelina Jolie breastfeeding photos

Corrupting the News…

John McCain doesn’t care much for breasts. At least not on the cover of magazines.

The Arizona senator told a pro-life crowd in Ohio that the latest issue of W magazine – featuring Jolie’s provocative ta’s and an infant’s curious paw – should be pulled from newstands in the name of common decency.

“My friends, I’m all about breasts in magazines, just check my mailbox,” said the 72-year-old. “But, my fellow Americans, when naked hooters start showing up on newstand covers, unhidden from children’s eyes, then enough is enough. These Hollywood liberals might not care about ethical standards, but just check my record – I have put my country before boobs every time.”

Although the move stands to re-re-resolidify his support among the non-sexual ultra-conservative base, republican analysts speculate it might hurt his image among independents.

“I just don’t see how you denounce breastfeeding, or even breasts in general, for that matter – especially when they’re Angelina Jolie’s of all people,” said Robert Rowdy, republican analyst for Cinemax. “There’s probably six men in America who will vote for him now, and he’s related to all of them.”

The harsh stance has also spawned a rift between McCain and vice-presidential running mate, Sarah Palin, who is an ardant supporter of the voluptuous appendages.

“Sarah Palin has always advocated on behalf of breasts of all shapes, sizes, and angles,” said Maureen Browley, Palin’s wardrobe aide. “In all seriousness, where would Sarah be without them? Probably married to some wife beater in Alaska…I mean Iowa.”

The Obama campaign released a statement applauding Jolie for her courage and her extensive work for mothers worldwide.

“Senator Obama has always been a huge Angelina Jolie fan,” said Mitch Brock, an Obama aide. “He’s already requested a signed copy of the issue, as well as any extra photo negatives the photographer might have lying around. Huge fan of hers. Huge.

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Filed under Corrupting the News