Tag Archives: George Bush

President Bush pardons 14 – The real juice awaits

Considering the News…

Georgie boy shocked the world by granting 14 Presidential pardons and two sentence commutations – not because of the sheer number or inherent malice behind the execused crimes, but because the list lacks the blockbuster ringers we particularly expect from such a surreptitious and unapologetic man.

This list simply begs one question: Where the hell’s the juice, George? Give us something, for Chrissake.

The yawn-inducing roll call of elementary crimes reads more like a high school suspension log than a catalogue rife with heinous, wicked crimes against humanity. Why break the news of these pardons unless offering a long list of society-crippling acts glorified in movies but unimaginable to the common, sensible citizenry?

Bank embezzlement?

Income tax evasion?

Unauthorized aquisition of food stamps? Food stamps?

Improper storage and disposal of toxic waste?

Violating the Bald and Golden Eagle Protection Act?

Conspiracy to distribute cocaine and Ricky Williams’ personal stash? (Old college buddy from Yale?)

Aiding and abetting the theft of government property? (Cheney and the Haliburton posse?)

George better beef up the list before exiting stage right, lest he desires the long-lasting classification of “America’s biggest Pussy-elect.” I don’t think he does. No, I’m compelled to believe we’ll soon see the most repulsive collection of “Get out of jail free” cards since Ford, when he said all was well and forgotten with that crook Nixon.

This limited sample is but an unsatisfying taste of what awaits us. Yes sir, George’s last day in office will blow more minds than LSD did in the 60s. The pre-emptive pardons will clear the names of every war criminal that wreaked havoc under his rein…It’s going to be a damn long list, too.

The 140 pardons granted by Clinton on his last day will be a sack of dusty seeds next to the bewildering fields of crookedness George will soon sow before the public’s eyes. Executive privilege will be invoked many times, as he execuses his own self from any explanations or motives. It’s going to be some scandalous shit, but at least we’ll get a little juice.

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Filed under Dirty Politics

George W Bush admits mistakes – Seems remotely human

Considering the News…

It’s not like you can hate the guy forever. You know, that George W Bush guy.

Sure he’s seemed to fumble one thing after another, to the point he’s become somewhat of a living symbol of Freud’s definition of insanity.

Sure he’s pissed you off at least once a week, every week, for the last 8 freaking years.

Sure he took a scorching dump on several American civil liberties, invading our privacy and striving hard to make the ominous Big Brother of 1984 a living reality here in the grandest of so-called free societies.

And sure he spearheaded ungodly tax cuts which ultimately padded the pockets of fat cats at the expense of the common – dare I say Joe Six Pack – citizens.

But shucks, looking at it now – with the silly bastard packing his Presidential bags – he might not be so evil after all.

Judging by Bush’s interview with CNN aboard the U.S.S. Intrepid in New York after a Veterans Day ceremony, perhaps Georgie does, in fact, have a conscience. All those times you asked yourself or your friends or some random bystander on the streets, “Does the guy even realize how bad he’s fucking up the country? Does he understand the least bit?” It seems the answer – to a mild extent – is probably “Yes.”

Bush finally cut the bullshit, benched the facade, and admitted to causing a few blunders. He might not have broken down completely, categorizing his presidency as an utter disaster, and there were no tears, unfortunately…but this will have to do for now.  We’ll leave the rest to the history books.

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Filed under Dirty Politics

Move over Mario – It’s Super Obama World

Considering the News…

George W Bush isn’t the only one losing his spot atop the pedestal. Nor is Joe Wurzelbacher the only plumber Barack Obama has fucked over lately – now even Super Mario is out of a damn job. Obama’s just that big these days.

In celebration of his monumental election victory, SUPER OBAMA WORLD has been created to slash worker productivity rates worldwide. The free online game pits Obama against lobbyists, lipstick-wearing pit bulls, and, of course, the evil Sarah Palin, in a world highly reminiscent of Super Nintendo’s Super Mario World.
What a kickass idea for a game! Those company reports just got thrown on the backburner. I’m Baracking the fuck out for the rest of the day.

Sorry, boss. Sorry, Mario.

Later, Mario!

Later, Mario!

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Filed under I Don't Believe It!

Bush and Obama put Presidency above Politics – Frighten the Children

Considering the News…

Barack Obama’s first trip to the White House as President-Elect is big news. Not really, but at least the mainstream media thinks so. It’s a swell photo opportunity for capturing worthless pictures of Presidents No. 43 and 44 waving, both grinning like bastards while sharing jokes (unfunny to the rest of mankind) about how cool it is possessing powers the rest of the air-breathing world will never know (like tapping Kim Kardashian’s cell phone to see what kind of naughty things her and Reggie Bush talk about…My guess? Her huge donkey ass, but never mind that).

Obama and Bush smile as they consider just how much they really hate each other.

Obama and Bush smile as they consider just how much they really hate each other.

Most of their Oval Office visit will be comprised of mindless nonsense, as Bush offers Obama a few unsolicited words of advice, all the while biting his tongue and suppressing the urge to leap over his desk and rip Obama’s freaking throat out for dragging his name through the mud everyday of the last two years. Conversely, Obama will brandish that 70-tooth smile, fending off the mounting need for doubling over in laughter as Bush spews his bullshit about “what it takes to be a great president.”

As if you know, Obama will think. But what can he say? It’s all trivial posturing for the sole purpose of convincing the drunken, maladroit androids of the country that politicking is a necessary evil, however, in the end we all love each other like dogs in heat and need to get along. After all, it’s not a red America and a blue America, but a country that loves football and hates terrorists. So lets all get hosed and roast a jihad or two…maybe even bring a tournament to college football before the year 2020. Whatever.

And Michelle and Laura will do their own little tea-slurping ditty, and Entertainment Tonight will feature some 30-second bit about the current First Lady suggesting the Obama’s get a terrier or some shit like that. No one will remember three days from now, but it’s good filler today.

The travesty of it all is that the MSM dropped the ball on the main story here. With so much focus on Presidents shmoozing and First Ladies cooing, non-existent was the coverage of what terrifying and haunting things must be rattling the minds of young Malia and Sasha Obama. After two consecutive years of hearing George W. Bush is the goddamn devil, how could these girls step foot in his house without fearing some ill fate, like jagged blades or raging flames disfiguring their bodies permanently?

I have no clue how these brave young women did it. I just know I wouldn’t have been able to. Not a chance in hell.

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Filed under Dirty Politics

Will Bush endorse Obama?

Considering the News…

It’s getting tougher and tougher for Obama to make the case that “A John McCain presidency would be four more years of the Bush White House.” Hell, it might just be McCain’s campaign theme the final weeks heading into the election, with Obama as the apparent continuation of the unpopular lame duck prick from Texas.

Yet another former Bush lacky has latched onto the Obama wagon of hope, and it appears even Dick Cheney and Scooter Libby could be stumping for him within days.

Former Bush press secretary, Scott McClellan, didn’t exactly shock the world with his endorsement of Obama, for his Bush-bashing book spelled the end of his role in W’s reign of terror months ago. However, it does highlight just how badly the country wants to move in a new direction, so much so two former Bush officials have crossed parties in less than a week.

To assert such endorsements could have been possible even 4 years ago would be utterly ridiculous, like Lindsey Lohan advocating abstinence.

So who’s next? Condi? Dick? The First Lady? Bush himself?

I wouldn’t bet on any of them. Nor would I bet on anyone with adequate brain functioning ever possibly buying the absurdities McCain’s been trumpeting about being the candidate who will bring about actual change in Washington.

Not when your own party members see it for the crockpot of bubbling shit that it is. Not when your idea of change means courting around an Alaskan power-mongering farce who can’t even dress herself. Not when you’ve been frequenting Washington cocktail parties for 26 years, rubbing elbows and trading favors with the same bloodthirsty lobbyists you’d supposedly go after if elected.

Not when your name is John McCain and everybody agrees your record is commendable, but your yellow and bloodshot eyes illuminate the greedy and vindictive truth that has been your work, your life, your being.

Not when the country is ready for something new.

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Filed under Corrupting the News