Tag Archives: Government Bailout

Obama to limit executive bonuses – Plus, why high-class prostitution will suffer

Considering the News…

As the financial crisis paralyzes every industry not specializing in online pornography, ill-timed is President Obama’s audacious plan to limit executive bonuses for companies receiving “exceptional assistance” under the bailout program.

A closer glimpse into this seedy plan only further illustrates how downright silly his shameless middle-class pandering has become.

No secret is it the extravagant taste of these very executives is solely responsible for keeping the luxury industries afloat – so what could possibly compel Obama to risk undermining this sector of the market at such a time?

Why, who will buy the $100 lobster dinners should this plan come to fruition? Or the private jets! How can that industry realistically survive if General Motors has merely one jet instead of five?

Caviar, yachts, private golf clubs, exotic beauty products, Oliver Goldsmith sunglasses, Stefano Bemer shoes – I ask you, Mr. President, where will the customers come from if under-performing executives of collapsing corporations fail to receive outrageous and undeserved compensation?

And this is to say nothing of the high-class prostitution business! Where will the next great generation of lawyers and doctors come from if aspiring professionals cannot fund graduate school because the underground service industry went belly up?

Obama and the Dream Team Circus claim to boast a myriad of fantastic tricks to bewilder the eye and wow the crowd – but this particular performance, I am afraid to say, is incredibly underwhelming, unrewarding, and greatly lacking both theme and direction.

Back to the dressing room, Good sir, the audience is getting rather anxious.

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Filed under Dirty Politics

The Detroit Auto Clowns – Trimming the Fat Cats

Considering the News…

The incompetent stooges of Detroit’s big three are waxing their bikini lines and preparing for another vulgar swimsuit competition before the drunken judges of congress. I suspect the future holds some lap dances for dollars, erotic cries for mercy, and whispers of sweet, sweet nothings into any open ear this side of Chevy Chase.

And it’s all a bitter lie more transparent than the reformed addicts of Hollyweird. (Hey! But these humbled lugs are coming in earnest this time! They’ve even sold off half the private jets to buy Toyota hybrids! These guys are driving to Washington!) Well, that’s a sizzling lump of bullshit.

These flabby cats are bopping into town in a damn clown car and we’re expected to shell out 34 Billion for the performance. Maybe if those pampered scoundrels pulled up in a Greyhound, because even Sarah Palin can take a 16-week course on common sense, but she’s not passing the final without smearing some serious lipstick.

So I say congress relocates that old dusty box of jock straps and do what any respectable sports program would do when sweeping tides pull a good name into the deep waters of underachievement…Fire the bastards and start fresh.

You want America to bail out your company? Sure, we’ll help you. Let’s start by getting a competent coaching staff to replace these clueless hacks.

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Filed under I Don't Believe It!