Tag Archives: History

2008 – The Year of Experience and Merit in Politics

Considering the News…

2008 will be remembered for a plethora of historic achievements – A Philadelphia team not choking in the championship, Oprah becoming the first talk show host to eclipse 200 pounds more than 12 times in a career, Detroit auto companies selling more cars than ever – but perhaps this year’s most distinguished contributions to history have come per the political spectrum.

Yessir, 2008 is going down as the year experience and merit propelled savvy politicians to the mountain’s top.

There was Barack Obama dismissing the notion community organizers aren’t people, too, as he raised ungodly sums of money to spearhead his successful presidential campaign, ultimately shocking the world by becoming the country’s first black commander-in-chief.

There was Sarah Palin proving intelligence and familiarity with the U.S. Constitution is by no means a requisite for political dominance, having quickly claimed the throne of the Conservative Kingdom of Yahoos, ridding the world of barriers that hindered the likes of Forrest Gump, Britney Spears, and the French.

And now there is Caroline Kennedy laboring to extend her family’s rule in the Senate, scoffing at any indignant asshole who might contend there is more to public office than a surname and a shit-ton of money, laughing at those poor souls who are quick to remind us she has accomplished nothing of substance outside of writing a book or two and being born a Kennedy, mocking us simpletons who ever believed Democracy was devised to elect the best and the brightest – and not merely those with a familiar name and, yes, a shit ton of money.

What a year 2008 has been. Surely it will go down in infamy as the year pragmatisim had a heart attack on the john.

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KKK is still kicking…Now run by morons

Considering the News…

Not many endearing things can be said about the Ku Klux Klan. Few compliments can be paid. Those sheets always seem to be cleaner and brighter than most gracing the beds of America, but other than that we fall severely short on positive material.

Yet despite the horrific and despicable acts of this idiotic group of kooks, spooks, and yahoos, history still acknowledges the fact it was founded, and for many decades run, by some considerably intelligent, educated and influential individuals. These bigoted bastards obviously never used that intelligence for the good of mankind, but it’s historically inaccurate to classify them as sheer morons. Racists and Lindsay Lohan human beings, maybe, but by no means morons.

Lohan is no fan of "colored people."

Lohan is no fan of

Such no longer appears to be the case, however, as there’s news out of New Orleans that a small KKK posse lured an Oklahoma woman down by way of the Internet. The goal? Initiate her with a hodgepodge of sacred rites (probably dripping cow’s blood and pig urine on her head while running in circles “Booooing” and “Hooooing” like Matthew McConaughey on acid with a bongo drum near by).

So, in other words, just your basic KKK meeting – which I have always imagined to be some creepy hybrid scene from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and a Tide with bleach commercial.

But things went wrong. Terribly wrong. The woman tried to flee and the Klansmen (and two Klanswomen, I might note) made sure that never happened. After leaving the body on an old dirt road, the members tried to burn the woman’s possessions and any evidence right there at their beloved camp site, with signs and patches reading “KKK Life Member” everywhere for the sane eye to see.

Hmm…Really? Right there at your spooky little camp site? The camp site everyone in town knows you and your friends dress up and cook smores at every weekend?

“The IQ level of this group is not impressive, to be kind,” St. Tammany Parish Sheriff Jack Strain said.

And he’s right. The KKK is just as bigoted and racist as ever, unfortunately recruiting efforts haven’t landed many intelligent folks as of late. Talent levels are low…And I’m pretty sure George Wallace would be pissed off about that.

Alabama Governor by day, KKK scalawag by night.

George Wallace: Alabama Governor by day, KKK scalawag by night.

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Bush-McCain comparisons valid – sort of

Considering the News…

Colin Powell endorsed Barack Obama. Didn’t see that one coming, did you?

Well, it’s not exactly “Britney’s prego again!” breaking news, but a simple reminder of how fragmented the Bush administration has been.

Essentially the White House has been fractured into two parts – W and all the good old boys like Mean Dick, Rove, Scooter, and the like…and then everyone else, namely the disillusioned few W has told to fuck off a time or two before.

Perhaps there’s nothing wrong with this. America wants a leader. Someone to tell Gorbachev to wipe the Soviet tears from his eyes and do away with the walls of terror and injustice.

But when does the cowboy finally saddle over the line? At what point do the congenial PTA-parents, church-going do-gooders, and everyday brown-nosing sandbaggers finally say, “Does this lunatic listen to anyone?”

Bush hands McCain the keys

Bush hands McCain the keys

That should be our most pressing concern in regards to drawing Bush-McCain comparisons. Not the “90 percent of the time” or “Four more years of failed economic policy” or “10 billion dollars a month in Iraq.”

Those lines are trivial garbage, for certainly the most jagged scars on the ass of W’s presidency won’t be the doomed policies he insisted on perpetuating, but the actual insistence with which he implemented them.

Many presidents employ fallacies for policies, which can often be attributed to the incompetence of a collective cabinet. But not Bush. No, his problem is the arrogant, recluse manner in which he made his every decision.

And a McCain presidency promises more of the same.

Never mind the occupation of Iraq, the slumping economy, and the erratic immigration – these issues are frightening, yet no more so than the social cancers that lurched in the American bellies of yesteryear.

So it is imperative the country’s leaders begin taking a collective and all-inclusive approach to these problems.

Only then will our leaders prove triumphant once again. Citizens will rejoice. Confetti will rain on Times Square. Even Tara Reid’s saggy sack of cottage cheese in back won’t appear as gruesome.

But such a scenarior will never materialize behind the leadership of yet another “cowboy” or “maverick” or “reformer” or “friendless straight talking renegade.”

“Talk softly and carry a big stick,” is what Teddy Roosevelt used to say.

Maybe when historians reflect on a Barack Obama presidency they will attribute a similarly epic and transcendent phrase – “Listen closely and never act alone.”


Filed under Dirty Politics