Tag Archives: Nintendo Wii

Move over Mario – It’s Super Obama World

Considering the News…

George W Bush isn’t the only one losing his spot atop the pedestal. Nor is Joe Wurzelbacher the only plumber Barack Obama has fucked over lately – now even Super Mario is out of a damn job. Obama’s just that big these days.

In celebration of his monumental election victory, SUPER OBAMA WORLD has been created to slash worker productivity rates worldwide. The free online game pits Obama against lobbyists, lipstick-wearing pit bulls, and, of course, the evil Sarah Palin, in a world highly reminiscent of Super Nintendo’s Super Mario World.
What a kickass idea for a game! Those company reports just got thrown on the backburner. I’m Baracking the fuck out for the rest of the day.

Sorry, boss. Sorry, Mario.

Later, Mario!

Later, Mario!

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Wii and Guitar Hero Running Low – Sweater Industry Booms – Cheetah Girl Saves the Day

Considering the News…

I’m making a bold prediction right now – this will be the worst Christmas in the history of man. Indeed, this holiday season is going to be one jock-thrashing disappointment after another, as a piss-poor economy means half as many gifts under the tree, perhaps even less than that. (Note: for those households not fortunate enough to have any gifts in previous years, expect the status quo).

For the rest of you, brace yourselves for the worst. By “worst” I naturally mean an abundance of sweaters, socks, and white tee-shirts. Expect unexplainable and obviously pre-owned gifts, like deformed picture frames, full-grown plants, half-dead plants, deodorant featuring random hairs, gift certificates to restaurants defunct since 2002, Pezz dispensers with the Pezz already in it, and windshield scrapers with half the brush bristles already frayed.

What grand gifts await you this Christmas?

What grand gifts await you this Christmas?

It’s going to be that brutal. Many will wish for February before the college football bowl season is even half over. Some might even pretend Christmas just isn’t coming this year. Many children will be confused, having previously believed the shitload of sweet gifts was an every year affair. Well, I got news for the no-good spoiled brats of the world – it’s not. When good-paying jobs are going out of style, cutting the fat is the only way to get by.

For those privileged few who believe devastation awaits everyone but you this December, here’s a little needle to sit your fat ass on. That Guitar Hero: World Tour you’re planning on rocking out to in your closed-foot jammies? It’s sold out, fucker.

Or that Wii Fitness you assumed would help carve that lumpy and bloated figure back down to your old fighting weight? There’s a better chance one of the Cheetah Girls takes pictures of her sweet, naked rump, uploads them on her computer, proceeds to leave that computer in an airport, the computer is found, then infiltrated, and the result is the pictures coming to the Internet for the enjoyment of every heterosexual male with five minutes and Wi-Fi.

Hmm. Maybe a Christmas Miracle will find its way into the lives of the lucky few with the audacity to believe. This might not be such a disastrous holiday season after all.

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Obama: Inventor of Porn and Nintendo Wii

Corrupting the News…John McCain’s recent revelation that he invented the Blackberry prompted a swift rebuttal from the Obama campaign, fearing the magnanimous claim might sway technologically savvy voters toward the republican nominee.

Obama spokeswoman Veronica Pooch said while the Blackberry is a fine wireless tool, its screen is prone to freezing and often fails to send and receive emails.

“The Blackberry obviously has many shortfalls and isn’t teeming with sweet-ass applications like the iPhone,” said Pooch, who admitted to sleeping with her iPhone. “Show me a map on Blackberry and I’ll show you how to end up on the wrong side of town.”

The Obama camp’s dismissal of McCain’s single greatest achievement was also reinforced by fresh information that the junior senator from Illinois is also quite a prolific inventor himself.

“Not only did Barack play an integral role in the development of the incredibly popular Nintendo Wii, but he also spearheaded the filming of what is believed to be the first American-made porn,” Pooch said. “Who doesn’t love Wii and porn? Lord knows they’ve gotten me through many Saturday nights.”

Experts from the Washington think tank, Porn in Politics, believe this dubious claim is an unabashed attempt at solidifying support amongst college-aged voters, who are universally recognized porn addicts, and elderly folks living in retirement communities, which are universally recognized hot spots for Wii bowling…and also porn.

Obama staffers neglected to delve into specifics regarding his role in developing the Wii, but did touch briefly on his involvement in a porn called “The American Melting Pot.”

“Obama wasn’t directly engaged in any of the scenes, but he conducted a community-wide search for several of the film’s stars,” Pooch said. “Essentially, it’s how he got into community organizing.”

The McCain campaign fired back immediately.

“Senator McCain has been filming pornos for decades,” McCain spokesman Todd Beck said. “His catalog is both extensive and diverse. I would argue he knows Americans better than anyone in the country. And as for the Wii, there have been a multitude of reports highlighting the fact Senator McCain enjoys nothing more than a good Wii session after snack and nap time.”

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