Tag Archives: Political Commentary

President Bush delivers inspiring farewell speech – Few listen and some laugh uproariously

Considering the News…

President George W. Bush delivered a heart-warming, belly-tingling, buns-tickling farewell to the nation yesterday, and I’m both alarmed and appalled that this magnanimous leader – general of all things mighty, admiral of all that is right – was given second ticket to an airplane landing in the Hudson River of all places.

Never mind that America has gone terror free since that infamous September day back in 2001. No, we wouldn’t want to pay Sir Bush any gratitude for that startling accomplishment. And that’s to mention nothing of the sweeping social progress in Afghanistan and Iraq, where swimming pools and McDonald’s restaurants are being built daily. I know, right, we’re bringing recreation and exquisite dining to the Middle East and still lacking is the litany of cards thanking Bush for his heroic labors.

And did I mention this airplane incident didn’t even amount to any fatalities? What happened to the old “Blood leads” creed that has been an indisputable ratings booster since the inception of this thing television? What happened to sticking to your guns, both figuratively and literally? Why, George Bush has over 4,000 gruesome deaths on his watch, and still he can’t even get 13 uninterrupted minutes to bid us farewell.

That American media is in shambles, faltering, sinking, capsizing with a torrent crash, need not be said. And now we know why. In lieu of the traditional blood and guts that endeared a country so obsessively to one medium, the news media chose a deathless plane ride that ended with pictures of people cruising safely across the Hudson River in boats.

Well, if America desires feel-good sunshine stories over the bungled artistry of a master manipulator like George W. Bush, then I say good riddance to the whole blasted thing. Here we have one of the most extraordinary criminal minds of our time hanging up his crowbar and wiretap, and we do no more than sit idly by, sharing trivial God bless Americas because some fortunate citizens managed to ride on a plane and boat in the same hour.

I give up.

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Love him or hate him, Karl Rove has a point

Considering the News…

A lot of people hate that Karl Rove. They hate him for getting George W. Bush elected. They hate him for nearly succeeding in his devious quest for everlasting conservative rule. They hate him because his wobbly chin(s) just tend to piss people off.

He’s been called ruthless, conniving, underhanded, surreptitious, heartless, and I’m sure even a pole-smoking SOB.

Yet what political mastermind achieves such notoriety without boasting a few of these unsavory traits? Love and warmth seldom imbue the hearts of iconic political strategist, especially those like Rove who consider every angle of character assassination…Like freaking out a bunch of rednecks by insinuating a certain candidate may or may not have an illegitimate child with a black woman, in much the same way Rove and Bush infamously did to John McCain in South Carolina during the 2000 Republican primaries.

Yes, a lot of folks despise that Rove. Wish evil things upon him. Google things like “Hitman for hire” because of him. However, for good or ill, mostly ill, Karl Rove knows politics. He also knows just how much money plays in any given election.

Inspired by the Obama campaign fundraising juggernaut, Rove penned this Op-ed in The Wall Street Journal, where he is a regularly contributor. Essentially, Rove argues that McCain was a victim of his own sword, as the 2002 campaign finance reform he spearheaded with Sen. Russ Feingold ultimately swung back around and sliced off his own manhood during the battle against Barack.

Thus Rove now advocates complete “Freedom of Political Speech” in regards to campaign donations, meaning he wants to give rich Republican donors the opportunity to buy elections, like back in the good old days.

In years past, this idiocy would have warranted an immediate condemnation from this writer, standing behind the pure democratic thought that money should play little to no factor in elections.

Having now considered the many reports of citizens like Bart Simpson and Darth Vader donating to Obama’s campaign via pre-paid debit cards, I concede the issue must be readdressed. I concede that pole-smoking SOB, Karl Rove, might just have a point.

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President Bush pardons 14 – The real juice awaits

Considering the News…

Georgie boy shocked the world by granting 14 Presidential pardons and two sentence commutations – not because of the sheer number or inherent malice behind the execused crimes, but because the list lacks the blockbuster ringers we particularly expect from such a surreptitious and unapologetic man.

This list simply begs one question: Where the hell’s the juice, George? Give us something, for Chrissake.

The yawn-inducing roll call of elementary crimes reads more like a high school suspension log than a catalogue rife with heinous, wicked crimes against humanity. Why break the news of these pardons unless offering a long list of society-crippling acts glorified in movies but unimaginable to the common, sensible citizenry?

Bank embezzlement?

Income tax evasion?

Unauthorized aquisition of food stamps? Food stamps?

Improper storage and disposal of toxic waste?

Violating the Bald and Golden Eagle Protection Act?

Conspiracy to distribute cocaine and Ricky Williams’ personal stash? (Old college buddy from Yale?)

Aiding and abetting the theft of government property? (Cheney and the Haliburton posse?)

George better beef up the list before exiting stage right, lest he desires the long-lasting classification of “America’s biggest Pussy-elect.” I don’t think he does. No, I’m compelled to believe we’ll soon see the most repulsive collection of “Get out of jail free” cards since Ford, when he said all was well and forgotten with that crook Nixon.

This limited sample is but an unsatisfying taste of what awaits us. Yes sir, George’s last day in office will blow more minds than LSD did in the 60s. The pre-emptive pardons will clear the names of every war criminal that wreaked havoc under his rein…It’s going to be a damn long list, too.

The 140 pardons granted by Clinton on his last day will be a sack of dusty seeds next to the bewildering fields of crookedness George will soon sow before the public’s eyes. Executive privilege will be invoked many times, as he execuses his own self from any explanations or motives. It’s going to be some scandalous shit, but at least we’ll get a little juice.

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On again, off again – the Clinton-Obama power saga

Considering the news…

These two clowns are worse than Whitney and Bobby Brown. One day they’re cuddling on the campaign trail, unforced smiles and waves for the camera, only to abandon the bond 36 hours later, projecting fictitious distance and autonomy while confusing the shit out of people.

Which is what makes this Clinton-Obama political love affair and political warfare so addicting for everyone watching – even more so for the enamored fiends who have followed this combative grudge match through each fiery day of the last two years. This is Ali-Frazier, except now archenemies are teaming up for the good of mankind…or so it seems.hillary-clinton-barack-obama-new-hampshire

Barack needs the Clintons and the Clintons need him, but I’ll be damned if any of them openly admits as much. When the situation requires one of them to suck it up and offer an endorsement of sorts, such lines are visibly forced from their mouths, a look of contempt and agitation dominates their eyes and expression.

Thus there are some parts admiration and some parts hatred in this ongoing feud, with the latter winning out most times. Especially now that Barack is offering Clinton a piece of the action in his race to history.  

Hillary knows 2016 is a painful and impossible dream, so accepting Barack’s Secretary of State invitation is her last and best shot at some feable grasp of glory. Her downplaying the position, posing an auro of pseudo-disinterest and snobby foolishness, is a farmer selling a dead donkey as a prized bull because no one’s buying that shit. She just wants it to seem as though Barack needs her more, like he’s pining for her love and affection, like she’s that piece of Grade-A ass he got back in college and has been fantasizing about everyday since.

And he is. He desires the most talented minds to be in his company – yet sometimes prodigious minds bring a circus of tricks and jokers along with them on tour. With Hillary on board, Barack’s mission  will be to continually convince everyone he’s, in fact, the almighty ring leader and that some gross mutation won’t spawn a third Clinton term somehow.

By inviting Hillary (and thus Slick Willie) into the administration, Obama realizes the power sacrifice he’s conceding – he’s far too strategic and observant not to. However, by letting this offer flutter in the stale air of cable news commentary for the past week, Obama has once again turned the attention away from himself and onto the Clintons, the kind of maneuver that ultimately seized momentum toward winning the nomination, when media personalities lodged their heads in the trash and spent a week questioning Bill’s admiration for candidates of color, forgetting there was even a blasted race going on in the background.

And it’s a brilliant diversion on Barack’s part. There’s a feel that he wants Hillary but doesn’t need Hillary. The way it should be, for it takes a trailer park of great people for an administration to succeed in the eyes of present day thinkers. Historians, on the other hand, generally remember only one name when writing the books of presidential blunders and glories. No matter what happens, Barack better make sure it’s his name on the cover.

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Obama 30-minute show: Media Overkill or McCain Killer

Considering the News…

Tonight should prove quite entertaining. It’s make or break. American society as we know it could either completely unravel or bond together, as the manifest force of the looming Obama presidency reveals itself tonight.

With Obama’s 30-minute self-history seminar set to constipate the Wednesday primetime lineup, I can already here the collective moans from the millions of viewers who have either 1) already committed to Obama and can’t wait for these campaign charades to cease 2) wouldn’t vote for Obama even if George W. Bush and Carrot Top were the only other names on the ballot 3) got the days mixed up and thought they were tuning into It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown.

I can hear the beer bottles shattering against back-alley walls. The incessant cries of young children terrorizing my ear drums and sanity. The panicked moans of sci-fi freaks wondering “Where the hell is my goddamn CSI ?!?! Where’s the crime lab? Can somebody please tell me what the fuck is going on here!”

Obama’s running full speed with 30 miles of tight rope pressing between his toes. This 30-minute stunt could be the old man unbuckling his trousers and taking a big dump on two years of near-perfect campaigning. If McCain wakes up next Wednesday with a morning presidential chubby, it won’t be on account of anything he did. No, that scenario only materializes because Obama took this messiah thing too damn far (think 200,000 in Berlin or the temple stage before 80,000 at the convention).

But perhaps it will be the clinching, albeit unnecessary, field goal that provides an insurmountable 10-point lead with 6 seconds to play. We won’t know for sure. Fans and supporters might think it’s the best 30 minutes in television history; a few of them might even set the Tivo and replay it for friends and family. But we won’t know about the rest of the nation. Not until tomorrow.

That’s when we’ll all creep into the office, nervous as hell that the undecideds are so pissed about being cheated out of 30 minutes of Deal or No Deal that they saddle over to the crusty McCain supporters during lunch.

That’s how we’ll know. The pundits don’t have to declare it a success or failure – we’ll know when those blasted undecideds make a move at lunch tomorrow. If they stumble over to the McCain crowd, we’ll know it failed. Should they saunter over to the Obama side, we’ll note the genius of this dubious campaign maneuver. (Then again, maybe they’ll just watch reruns of House on USA tonight, never knowing that 30 minutes of campaign history aired on the major networks.

Hopefully the country likes what it sees and saves itself by voting this man into the White House. It’s time to put shallow differences aside and embrace a different America, where our friends and neighbors and community mean more than 30 minutes of television. I can see it vividly…and I like it.

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Preparing for 2012: Palin, McCain and the GOP divide

Considering the News…

How did it get to this? How did the GOP split like the pants of a fat man trying to touch his toes? It once seemed an impossible divorce. Now it must ravage their brains like a horrific dream.

W’s first years in office symbolized the era of an unrelenting bond between fiscal conservatives, evangelicals, and southern zealots. It was a peculiar medley of citizens living harmoniously on the axis of patriotism, Christianity, and an ire for taxes. Different shades of characters all agreeing on a few certainties – Jesus lives, terrorists die, the tax man can get fucked.

Such unrelated concepts bound a majority of the electorate together, with Karl Rove’s devious plan of everlasting power seemingly on the cusp of fruition.

Moderate democrats and radical liberals pissed themselves, fearing the country’s absolute political narrative had been writtten. Something had to give. Surely this shit couldn’t endure forever. However, no immediate demographic shifts appeared likely. Perhaps never again in this lifetime.

So what the hell happened? How are the democrats a mere seven days away from claiming governing dominance? Seven days away from forging a monopoly in congress and the White House. Seven days away from throwing more republicans out of Washington.

Well, George W. Bush happened. Then John McCain happened. And then Sarah Palin happened.

Three different entities representing three wildly different visions of the party. And we all know three heads in one bed just doesn’t make any damn sense – not unless porn is involved.

Bush’s approval ratings illuminate the growing discontent even party loyalists have with undisciplined spending. John McCain’s original immigration stance and utter failure to court the core party base proves they won’t just vote for any yokel waving a flag and wearing GOP pins. And Sarah Palin’s thinning patience with McCain highlights where the party is now headed – for a drastic overhaul before 2012.

Palin’s swift claim of Christian conservative hearts indicates the party’s future lies with its past. She’s cut ties with her runningmate on many issues, trashing pre-drafted speeches and trumpeting her own record instead. McCain’s closest aides have responded with vicious words, berating her with cries of “diva” and “whack job.”

Either way, the grand old party has become a festering heap of crucifixes and tax cuts, as more and more people realize Jesus could just as well be a democrat and republicans can waste money with the best of them. Now a massive shortage on ideas has Karl Rove losing sleep, as his righteous dreams prove naive and unfounded.

Now it’s back to the drawing board. Preparations for 2012 begin next Wednesday. John McCain won’t be involved in any notable fashion, but something tells me Palin will have a black magic marker in her hand and a smile on her face.

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Will Bush endorse Obama?

Considering the News…

It’s getting tougher and tougher for Obama to make the case that “A John McCain presidency would be four more years of the Bush White House.” Hell, it might just be McCain’s campaign theme the final weeks heading into the election, with Obama as the apparent continuation of the unpopular lame duck prick from Texas.

Yet another former Bush lacky has latched onto the Obama wagon of hope, and it appears even Dick Cheney and Scooter Libby could be stumping for him within days.

Former Bush press secretary, Scott McClellan, didn’t exactly shock the world with his endorsement of Obama, for his Bush-bashing book spelled the end of his role in W’s reign of terror months ago. However, it does highlight just how badly the country wants to move in a new direction, so much so two former Bush officials have crossed parties in less than a week.

To assert such endorsements could have been possible even 4 years ago would be utterly ridiculous, like Lindsey Lohan advocating abstinence.

So who’s next? Condi? Dick? The First Lady? Bush himself?

I wouldn’t bet on any of them. Nor would I bet on anyone with adequate brain functioning ever possibly buying the absurdities McCain’s been trumpeting about being the candidate who will bring about actual change in Washington.

Not when your own party members see it for the crockpot of bubbling shit that it is. Not when your idea of change means courting around an Alaskan power-mongering farce who can’t even dress herself. Not when you’ve been frequenting Washington cocktail parties for 26 years, rubbing elbows and trading favors with the same bloodthirsty lobbyists you’d supposedly go after if elected.

Not when your name is John McCain and everybody agrees your record is commendable, but your yellow and bloodshot eyes illuminate the greedy and vindictive truth that has been your work, your life, your being.

Not when the country is ready for something new.

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