Tag Archives: US Senate

Blagojevich to Obama: Go to Hell

Considering the News…

Fearing he might not be governor for much longer, overlooking the shimmering fact his powers have all but been diminished, if not already seized, Rod Blagojevich unbuckled the belt holding up his trousers and gave the President-elect an unmissable shot of his steaming bum.

Despite the strategic tantrums of senate majority leader and the chamber’s most masculine of senators, Harry Reid, Blago saw no good reason why he shouldn’t do his duty as governor and appoint Obama’s senate replacement.

FBI investigations can be quite drawn out and cumbersome, something a man of Blago’s stature can’t have much patience for, so the esteemed governor heroically refused to delay the appointment in these times of frustration and economic turmoil.

Thus Roland Burris, unknown to most before today’s bizarre press conference, became the latest star in this he-said-I-said-the-tape-said saga, and in doing so found his name as the hottest search on Google – a triumphant feat most will never know.

Rightly suspecting team Obama might not immediately embrace his nomination, Blago arranged for Congressman Bobby Rush to join him onstage in order to remind people that Obama’s senatorial departure had left the chamber without any black men at all.

As Mr. Burris is indeed a black gentleman, we must then commend Governor Blagojevich for setting aside all criminal investigations and impeachment threats and the like to serve his nation in the best way he sees fit. Evidently that means telling the President-elect to fuck off, lugging a good man’s name through the mud, and resuming business as usual.

Advertisements

1 Comment

Filed under Unexplainable Happenings

2008 – The Year of Experience and Merit in Politics

Considering the News…

2008 will be remembered for a plethora of historic achievements – A Philadelphia team not choking in the championship, Oprah becoming the first talk show host to eclipse 200 pounds more than 12 times in a career, Detroit auto companies selling more cars than ever – but perhaps this year’s most distinguished contributions to history have come per the political spectrum.

Yessir, 2008 is going down as the year experience and merit propelled savvy politicians to the mountain’s top.

There was Barack Obama dismissing the notion community organizers aren’t people, too, as he raised ungodly sums of money to spearhead his successful presidential campaign, ultimately shocking the world by becoming the country’s first black commander-in-chief.

There was Sarah Palin proving intelligence and familiarity with the U.S. Constitution is by no means a requisite for political dominance, having quickly claimed the throne of the Conservative Kingdom of Yahoos, ridding the world of barriers that hindered the likes of Forrest Gump, Britney Spears, and the French.

And now there is Caroline Kennedy laboring to extend her family’s rule in the Senate, scoffing at any indignant asshole who might contend there is more to public office than a surname and a shit-ton of money, laughing at those poor souls who are quick to remind us she has accomplished nothing of substance outside of writing a book or two and being born a Kennedy, mocking us simpletons who ever believed Democracy was devised to elect the best and the brightest – and not merely those with a familiar name and, yes, a shit ton of money.

What a year 2008 has been. Surely it will go down in infamy as the year pragmatisim had a heart attack on the john.

1 Comment

Filed under Dirty Politics, Unexplainable Happenings

8 percent of Illinois residents are crazy…Many proud parents

Considering the News…

Embattled Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich is still a very popular figure in his home state, as recent polls indicate eight percent of his constituents still think rather highly of him.

And that’s no laughable accomplishment considering his current legal troubles, so I imagine his parents are quite proud of him these days, calling all friends and acquaintences in the rolodex for some good old fashioned offspring praising.

And yet Blago might not even be the most admired golden child in the state, what with Jessie Jackson’s boy Jessie Jackson sowing a rather sparkling image for himself, making all sorts of glamorous headlines and becoming an earnest talking point for late night talk show hosts. Quite a big deal he’s become.

Indeed, I’m no father myself, however, I’m compelled to believe a son like Jessie Jr. would bring me unparalleled joy. Few things elevate the spirits of a good-hearted man in the same fashion as witnessing a son surpass the public greatness of himself, and Jessie Jackson’s certainly a good-hearted man if there ever was one.

I’m sure the Jacksons are going to have a splendid Christmas this year, and so too the Blagojevich family. They’ll receive all sorts of thoughtful gifts and a litany of endearing cards, all coming from eight percent of the friends and family they once had.

2 Comments

Filed under Dirty Politics, Unexplainable Happenings

Message to Obama: Get Harry Reid Under Control

Considering the News…

The President-Elect probably hasn’t even shaved since winning the election, but it’s imperative Barack Obama gets Senate Majority Leader, Harry Reid, to put his fiery balls in a bucket of ice water before he singlehandedly undermines Obama’s “new way of politics.”

Reports indicate Reid’s closed-door meeting yesterday with Democratic disgrace, Sen. Joe Lieberman, played out more like a belligerent back-alley brawl than a civilized meeting between well-known congressmen. Pissed off about Joe’s unbridled support of John McCain, Reid is contemplating stripping the independent senator of his chairman duties for the Senate Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee.

The Democrats are less than 72 hours removed from winning the White House and increasing leads in both the House and Senate, yet Reid already aims to take a steamy, bubbly piss all over that whole “reach across the aisle” bull shit that inspired his party’s entire campaign.

Not a wise move, Reid. Not very wise at all. Dismissing Lieberman for strictly political purposes sends the message that you and your entire party are backsliding power-mongers just like your opposition. And the American citizenry proved on Tuesday that they pay attention to that kind of thing.

1 Comment

Filed under Dirty Politics